Legacy of a Parent – The Next Generation

I had a visit from my oldest son last weekend.  Along with feeding him well for the road back and giving him an extra tight hug goodbye I got to send him home with some plants from my garden.  In with the luggage went a few baby foxgloves (generously re-seeded by the mother plant), a hosta (another volunteer), and a fern from the woods.  I had to choose the plants to fit his low to medium light garden space.

Somehow I managed to share with him my love of gardening, and now we have a piece of my garden in common as well.  It is not often a parent is blessed to share a hobby with their child and even more difficult to do when you live 9 hours apart.  It gave me a wonderful feeling to be able to gift him with a piece of this home for his home.

I look forward to years of sharing not just our love but our love of growing things.  It feels great to know that he values the same love of all things green and growing.

BTW – if I can take a moment to brag – my son is a 2nd year PHd candidate at University of Pittsburgh in Ecology and Evolution.  Here’s a link to his page and picture of him in his lab.  http://www.pitt.edu/~tonsor/people/MarninWolfe.html

Legacy of a Parent

After reading a post from Jenny Litchfield’s blog (wonderful blog about life and gardening from New Zealand) about tree planting

http://jennylitchfield.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/my-garden-unep-plant-a-billion-trees-in-2008/ 

I just had to tell my father how his concern for the future had such an impact on my life.  As a teen I absolutely hated the time I had to spend doing yard work.  I bitched up a storm and genuinely made myself as unpleasant as possible.  I still ended up doing the work, but never got to enjoy it. My bad!

Somehow though I found myself drawn to growing things as a college student (I once had 100 houseplants I carted around from apartment to apartment), and spent some of my spare time at a little nursery near my university.  I even had a 6 ft ficus growing in a pot behind the headboard of my bed (it was like sleeping in the woods, sort of). 

From there I found myself planting stuff whenever I could at whatever apartment I lived at if there was some bare dirt at the front door.  Since then I have planted more and more elaborate gardens at each house where I lived.

But the legacy my father left me was not so much to be a gardener.  He really never was much of a gardener.  He had terrible allergies and hay fever (one of the reasons I got to do the lawn work).  However, he told me his goal was to plant a tree at every house he ever lived that would outlast his time in that place.  He had a notion of leaving behind a living legacy.

I have re-visited the houses where I grew up and there are beautiful trees in each lawn – a 40+ year old red maple in one place, evergreens and a gorgeous crabapple at the other.  His most recent home has had its challenges with pear trees that break apart.  But he is still working on leaving his legacy behind, even as he enters his late 70’s.

After reading Jenny’s blog though, I had to tell him that his legacy would continue through my efforts and I fully expect through the efforts of my children. 

As children my parents encouraged us to plant trees.  The synagogue would hand out these little cardboard coin holders and we would fill them with our quarters and each filled holder would go to plant a tree in Israel.  Somewhere in Israel, my siblings and I have more than one tree we helped plant in a forest planted by thousands of American Jews.

As an adult I have followed his example and planted trees (and gardens) in each of the houses I have owned.  I signed up for the Billion Tree project and planted three trees this past fall.  I am sure I will plant more as the years go by and will work hard to make my little woods stay healthy.

Somehow, magically I have passed this love of planting things on to at least one of my children.  Today he is a Phd candidate doing research in the environment and plant biology and genetics.  He left his first rental house a little better off than when he got it, planting a little garden in the back yard.  He has experimented with growing veggies and herbs too.  I suspect that when he gets the chance he will put tree roots in the ground and make a stand for the future as well.

There is even hope for my other son who, when we first moved to these parts of North Carolina would not go outside.  Now he hikes and camps out with friends.  He has even come and helped me re-plant my small piece of lawn.

What a legacy for a parent to have, to see into the future and plant the seeds of knowledge and vision!

Oh Holy Night – A Gift from the Divine

April 7, 1984 at 6:07 PM began the holiest evening of my life.  I have experienced other holy moments, when I felt in touch with the divine; but the first night of my first born son’s life remain to this day the holiest.  That day the divine gave me the opportunity to experience caring completely and utterly without reservation for another creature.  For hours while his mother slept through the night, I was granted the opportunity to hold and comfort and cherish this tiny spark of the divine laying in my arms.

 

If making contact is holy work I was doing the divine’s holiest work that night.  As unready in my head as I was to be a parent, my heart knew better. Every part of me was connected to this 6 lb 7 oz wonder, wrapped up tight in his blanket, laying his knit-capped head on my shoulder.

 

Looking back 23 years I can still remember the chair we sat in for hours, the orientation of the room, and the feel of his little body pressed up against me.

 

On this, his birthday, I want to thank the divine for all that was given me on that holiest of days.  No matter what has followed, through all the ups and downs of parenthood, I will always remember that holy night.

 

If you have a moment in your life when you felt truly blessed, a divine moment, that holy contact, please tell your story here.

Making Contact Is Holy Work

Connecting with the divine in everything is hard work.  I find it difficult to near impossible to always be in touch with the people with whom I am engaged or the awe-inspiring world within which I exist every moment of every day.

When I am with people I am thinking thoughts on what I am going to say (if I am even interested in what they are saying) or thinking about other things I could be doing.

When I am in the world I am thinking or doing but not being present.

Making contact with the divine is holy work.  It is prayer. If god is in everything, then making contact with other creatures, people, or a rock is an act of connecting to god.

It may be divine, it may be holy, but it sure is a lot of work!

When have you felt connected to another or to the divine? Do you find it easy or difficult to be present for the opportunity of a holy connection?

Spring Gardening in WNC

Spring has come a bit early this year in Western North Carolina (WNC).  Everyone has been remarking on it and I have been enjoying it tremendously.  I do have a strong sense though that the early warm weather is an arbiter of global warming!

The crocus have come and gone, the daffodils have a few late stragglers still blooming and the weeds are having a blast!

This past week the hyacinth I planted last (break for bird alert – downy woodpecker was just outside my window here, what beautiful reds, grays and whites) fall have all pushed through the clayey soil and are perfuming the back yard!  I cannot wait each afternoon to get home and stick my nose in a sweet smelling bloom.

One lone and unusual tulip opened this past week.  It was glorious but fleeting.  I have it as my PC desktop so I see it still each day.  Its friends have not been lazy though, the grape hyacinth have come on strong and the rest of the tulips have struck out on their brave path towards beautiful glory.  We will shortly have a garden full of their incredible reds and yellows to go along with the blues of the grape and regular hyacinth.

There are plenty of reminders of battles I have been waging for the last 2 years as I rebuild what was once obviously a wonderful garden yard.  Someone let the may apples go crazy and I took them out last year (I thought) but have found a few hardy souls popping up this year.  In addition, I have discovered that the wild geranium (I think) has a vast network of roots deep in one of my beds.  They just seem to laugh at me when I yank out the tops as they have a veritable army of recruits waiting to follow in their fallen brethrens footsteps.  We shall see who is the more patient and persistent one.  I once battled some invasive weeds for 4 or 5 years before I finally eradicated them.  By the way, I try my very best to weed by hand or tool, no chemicals allowed.  I take the long view on that matter.

I am still new to this garden and especially to spring.  In my Florida garden I never seemed to wonder where my plants were, they were always there for the most part.  Now I have plant markers everywhere so I do not forget what I planted.  And the daily investigation brings last year’s friends back to my view – yesterday I found the peony poking its tender shoots up.  It has a lot of growing to do between now and mid-May (Mother’s Day) for it to bloom, yet I have faith that all of these wonderful creations will do their utmost to grow back to their full and awe-inspiring nature.

Spring is early this year and hope and wonder abound.  I am blessed.  

Parenthood Redux – Math Progress

This is a follow up to an earlier post called “Parenthood Redux – Math Homework”

Late last year I found myself trying to remember how to do basic math in order to help my 13 year old step-daughter.  It was a challenge for me. 

I can happily say my step daughter found an alternate study-buddy in math and did so well she was near the top of her class in math this past semester! Her mother and I are happy she wants to do well and was able to get help from a more competent source. This semester when things started out rocky, she jumped right on it, worked it out with the teacher and got her grade back up!

Her attitude and her values are a blessing.

Now I can focus on other aspects of parenting redux – like her driver’s permit that is only 15 months away.

On second thought, bring on the math homework!

Songs that Hug You

 

I was hugged by a song today. I needed that hug. It felt so warm and wonderful.

 

 

I sank into the hug as that peaceful, hugged feeling came over me. Listen carefully; you too can hear the hug.

All shall
be well,
and all shall
be well,
and all manner
of thing
shall be well. 

This hug feels so right to me, not because life is hard or bad right now. No, just because it is such a comforting thought to think that for me, for those I love, for all the people of the world, for the creatures big and small,

All shall
be well,
and all shall
be well,
and all manner
of thing
shall be well.

So I send to you these words, this beautiful hug written by Dame Julian of
Norwich 700 years ago. May it give you that comforting shoulder to lay your head upon, the arms that wrap around you gently squeezing, touching you heart and melting away the weariness and the wariness. Say to yourself….

All shall
be well,
and all shall
be well,
and all manner
of thing
shall be well.

Oh Yeah!

 

Please, share a hug with all of us, if you have a song that just hugs you when you hear it I would love to hear it!

Actions and Values – Being in Alignment

Natural High’s last few blogs such as:

Living Inside Out
Conflict and Opportunity
Is God In Love With Drama
Unstoppable

along with the beginning of a book discussion on Rabbi Michael Lerner’s book, The Left Hand of God have gotten me thinking on why we do not align our actions with our values.  How to align my  actions with my values was one of the first things I learned years ago from Tony Robbin’s book – Awaken the Giant Within. In it he describes a process of identifying your highest values and placing them in a prioritized list. If you are clear on these 5-10 values any choice you make can be seen as moving towards or supporting the value or moving away or undermining that value. Values are described by words such as health, love, knowledge, wealth, peace, etc.Simple example: If I value health, then my choice of foods becomes clear to me. Unfortunately for me, even though I have known this seemingly simple process for years, the knowing and the doing of this simple exercise are far apart. 

In more recent times I took the Landmark Forum’s basic and advance courses and a seminar in Commitment. In Landmark Forum terms, when I do not eat healthy, I am not truly committed to health or I am secretly committed to something else more powerful, like comfort for example.

So many of us are aware of the values we wish we were aligned with or committed to, yet we take opposite or undermining action. We vote Republican because they will crank out tax cuts to make us wealthier even though we understand that they will pay for it by reducing the care for the sick, poor and elderly.  Yet if we were asked whether we value compassion and caring for the sick, the poor and elderly most people would say “of course.”

If asked, most of would say we value diversity, freedom, peace, and love. Yet we act as if we are committed to uniformity of thought, greed, war, and hate.

Why do our actions value religious dogma over spiritual freedom? Why do we continue to allow homophobia, anti-semitism,  xenophobia, racial and political prejudice instead of fighting for choice, freedom of religion, diversity and political discussion?

How do we, as loving, caring human beings, align our daily actions with these things we say we really value?

Will my actions tomorrow be in better alignment with those things I value most highly – love, peace, family, community and health?

Guilt By Association With A Book

Dirty dishes in the sink, a full dishwasher, a pile of dirty laundry, an unmade bed, and a mother in
Florida I haven’t called all week. You would think these would be sufficient to make one feel guilty about sitting around reading and commenting on blogs, watching TV, and drinking coffee.

 

Wrong. This morning I am suffering Bookshelf Guilt. How did this happen you might ask and what exactly is Bookshelf Guilt anyway?!

First, lets define the word guilt as “an awareness of having done wrong, accompanied by feelings of shame and regret.”

Well, you might ask, “IN2L, how could you have done anything wrong, what could make you feel shame and regret? Especially some thing that could possibly have to do with a book shelf!”

Last night at a friend’s we were escorted to the master bedroom as part of a tour of the house. Glancing around I noticed a book on the bed stand “THE AUDACITY OF HOPE”, by Barack Obama. A book with a serious title and a serious author. “Ooh, I probably should be reading that book”, I thought to myself.

The minute you say should, up pops guilt.                                    

What would my friends see if they looked at my bed stand? Well, a Dave Barry book (real deep discussion of what happens when hospital patients catch on fire), a Stephen King novel, and a Terry Pratchett book. Deep reading intended to encourage deep thoughts, not! The guilt and shame are building now.

To remedy the feelings of guilt I went to survey my bookshelf to see what I should be reading. There they were, all those previous should’s staring back at me, those books I bought because I should read them some day.

 

There was the group of self-help books written by Drs., PHds and hucksters like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Phil, James Belasco PHD, Zig Ziglar and Og Mandino. Naw, I don’t need that kind of guilt, I’m good at guilting myself without their help.

 

 

 How about the old diet, I could use to lose a few pounds? There on the shelf stand Drs. Phil, Sears and Atkins all with their special brand of guilt! Not this week.

 

 If you choose to ignore history, you choose to repeat it, right? Who am I kidding, what can I do to stop the fall of democracy by reading a book on the Rise and Fall of the
Roman Empire?

 

Just to toss some salt in the wound, there in the drawer of my bedstand is the list of the books I should have but never got around to reading. The wonderful people from Random House felt obliged to guilt all of us by publishing a list of the all-time best books of the 20^th century.

http://www.randomhouse.com/modernlibrary/100bestnovels.html

My copy of the list has about 30% checked off as already read. Even the readers’ list, published to make lesser beings feel better about ourselves is only about 40% checked off.

I guess I will just have to live with my guilt for now. Maybe I will get a copy of Obama’s book and leave it by my bed just to make future guests feel guilty about what they fall asleep reading.

 

What are the best books on your shelf you have never gotten around to reading?

Judgement Free Flowers

After a day or week of being in the world of people and chaos and stress I most love some time in the garden. There is no judgement there!

In spring I can rejoice at the birth of new colors and shapes and smells. The flowers and bulbs do not judge, do not ridicule, or talk back.

In summer I can enjoy and commune with the flavors of fresh grown produce, arrange my favorite flowers in my vase, and do battle with the weeds – a semi-mindless effort that gives me “no-thought” time.  During the summer my tomatoes sacrifice themselves freely and without complaint.

In the fall the last flowers stubbornly hold on, trying to outshine the trees in their new coats of multi-colored leaves. As fall progresses they become overly eager volunteers for the compost pile.

Winter is for resting and the interesting shapes and visions brought forth by the combination of snow and the remains of the garden. The rest from the work of keeping the garden is welcome. Dreams of spring flowers are pleasant and full of hope.

Overall, the garden is the place I can best give back to mother earth. It is my means to replenish what I have taken from her in other ways. It is the place I can help re-build the beauty that was destroyed to create my house and the roads I must drive to get to and from work.

 “When our eyes see our hands doing the work of our hearts, the circle of Creation is completed inside us” - Michael Bridge 

Do I find myself when I am outside? Absolutely!

Where do you find yourself? Where does your creative spirit live?